How often are you having sex right now during pregnancy and how often do you expect to have sex after having a baby? That’s right. I’m getting all up in your business…your lady business in fact. But you’re just weeks away from being heels up and spread eagle with a room of people staring into your hoo-hah while you try not to poop in public. So it’s time to get comfortable talking about your nether regions.
You’re blushing…it’s okay. I’ll wait. Scroll down to watch the Flight of the Conchords video if it'll make you feel less awkward.
I wanted to talk to you about sex before and after pregnancy because ladies, if you’re not thinking about it, your spouse is definitely thinking about it. And I care about his libido (you’re welcome hubby). Once the baby arrives, it’s easy for sexual intimacy to take a back burner to breastfeeding, diaper-changing and the most sacred of all activities…sleep. This all makes sense. You’re both exhausted from trying to keep this helpless little person alive and getting into adult activity seems like the furthest thing from your mind.
But sexual intimacy is important to manage and maintain because our physical connection can both reflect and enhance our emotional and psychological connection to our partner. Sex also helps remind you that you’re not just co-parents but also lovers who have a direct relationship with one another outside of being mommy and daddy.
TIPS FOR SEX AFTER BABY
So here are a few tips to consider when reintegrating sex after having a baby:
Put sex in your calendar. I’m serious. It may not sound as sexy as something Shonda Rhimes would write for Scandal, but there is nothing hotter than dedicated, consensual, married sexual intimacy. Not only do you get the actual intercourse, you get the anticipation of future intimacy and the total reduction in anxiety as you plan for your time alone.
Start sexting. You know, like the young people do nowadays. If teenagers can figure out how to flirt with their fingers by sending racy messages to others at school, you are more than able to pick up a sexting habit. Sexy mobile messages are helpful reminders that amidst all the childrearing, you’re still a sexual being who is desired and who has desires. It also helps fast-track those precious moments when you’re alone because the foreplay is already done.
Break the mold. Maybe sex within your marriage has been primarily a late evening, post-dinner, movie and a nightcap kind of activity. But with a screaming infant providing the soundtrack for your life as a parent, you cannot rely on the old methods to create the same romantic vibe. Consider sex in the morning when baby goes down for a nap and after you’ve gotten a longer stretch of sleep yourselves. Or try a Saturday afternoon make-out session before dinner. Who knows, the spontaneity may excite you.
Worried you may still face real obstacles that keep you from rekindling that sexual intimacy? Talk through it with your partner. Grab my free "Sexual Intimacy Guide" to help you frame a private conversation with your spouse to address your relationship now. It will help jumpstart the subject and take away some of the anxiety around how to get to the most important issues.